i form attachment to mobility devices really quickly. when i first got my cane, even on days when i felt like i wouldn’t need it, i would use it anyways because it comforted me in believing that i could have more mobility freedom than when i didn’t - and for the most part, that was true for every day that i used it.
i just got a bike like 2 seconds ago but i am already feeling attached to it and really happy i did this for myself. i am thinking about the freedom that comes with believing that i can do whatever i want, get to whereever i need to get even if sometimes i can’t. being able to bike across campus or even just down the street is much less intimidating than walking there. i am grateful for all of the things my body is and is not capable of doing.
i want all of us to have the kind of mobility freedom that we seek. i want all of us to be able to feel like superheroes with our canes and wheelchairs and walkers and bikes and cars. i want us to be able to get where we need to get even if we couldn’t get inside (for now). i want the things that help our body move be as legitimate as our body, be considered as a part of our body, be as valued as a part of our bodies.
i have lots of compassion for people of color who come from really white communities and didn’t come up with lots of people of color.
i have lots of compassion when they say sympathizing shit about white people’s racist, tokenizing, minimizing, etc behavior.
because most of the time, yeah, if you’re the only person of color in your white neighborhood you aren’t threatening to white people and they have no reason to act aggressively towards you
taking the compassion to support the transition of people of color who have their hearts broken when they start to realize they are actually a part of a threat to whiteness; that they have been groomed by white supremacy to make communities of color seem like the “bad guys”
when i’m driving or am walking around or doing something that doesn’t really require me to focus on multiple things at once, i’ll write one liners and poems in my head and i wish they’d automatically transfer onto paper or something because i can never remember that shit
“Annie (a pseudonym) is a Chinese-American, straight, female university professor. While she was in graduate school, she found it difficult to receive medical treatment due to the perceived psychiatric condition of simply being Asian and female: “I went to a doctor at the university because I had recurring abdominal pain. The doctor listened to my description, but rather than doing a physical exam, he explained to me that it was normal for Asian women to be anxious and stressed out, and anxiety was probably causing my abdominal pain.” But surprisingly, the doctor didn’t treat the anxiety either. He just said there was nothing he could do.”—Shattering the Madness Monolith: On the Intersections of Race, Gender, and Psychiatric Disability (via andromedalogic)
i just wish that as the people of the (u.s) internet living in the 21st century of super capitalism, neoliberalism, etc, etc that we can chill the fuck out for one second and allow ourselves to like idk, be let down or disappointed by something and not let that totally destroy our entire worlds because we wanted to be purists about it from the get go
it comes down to so what’s it gonna be right? one moment it’s cool to ditch facebook and be like omg ello and then the next we find out that ello (to no surprise) is not just some independent, ad-free social media site but is funded by big $$$ and suddenly everyone and their best friend is like trying to distance themselves from ello after being one of the first ppl to request an invite
sometimes the hype and the dramatics is just too much for me. i wish that sometimes we can remember that we are fallible humans, gullible, naive, humans conditioned under a system of capitalism to be like either or and then when either nor or works out we are stranded in our own buckets of self-critique, annoying cynicism and superiority that we are or aren’t associated with something
we don’t live in a fucking vacuum n if you’re trying to get off the grid right now probs not the best time if you’re only looking at an alternative to facebook
up late, jess n the baby dog tabi are both snoring away. thinking about the upcoming climate march/demo in NYC that a lot of my friends, loved ones and comrades will be at. thinking about and being saddened by the reality of climate justice and disability justice colliding/intersecting/interlocking and still, how the silence around those intersections and collisions remain ever so comfortable.
Jess n I were considering last minute what we would just hop in our car and leave tomorrow for NYC. the more and more we considered it, the more and more we started doubting that our spontaneity would help carry us thru the traveling, walking long distances, standing for prolonged periods of time and marching. with my back pain and flares and both of our regular body shit happening, excitement and enthusiasm is not enough to make getting to and being present at the demo bearable. it would take us at least a week to recover.
the last major demo I was a part of was the march on wall st south that I helped organized to protest the democratic national convention. that was 2012 and basically a few weeks afterward, I had to disappear because my body was crumbling from me ignoring my needs in the name of “organizing” and “showing up”
I have complicated feelings about how our movements energize themselves, how it fuels itself and how we fuel each other.
and I have really sad feelings about how yes, online and virtual organizing is still organizing AND STILL what are we actually doing to make it so that everyone who wants to show up in person can?
climate justice and disability justice collide in this space of how our bodies relate to each other and relate to the earth; how the same kind of capitalism and globalization that forces migration forces people everyone to experience the harm of chemicals in the waterways, coal ash and destructive mining causing sickness and disease, disability and injury; how the same kind of settlement and colonialism that disconnects Indigenous peoples from their lands is the same kind of settlement that makes it near impossible for disabled people to relate to most spaces, to navigate most spaces; how the same western kind of greed and matrix for measuring worthiness fueling destruction and gentrifcation, development and unsustainable energy fuels a world in which those who control the future do not imagine disabled people to exist in it.
I am thinking about bodies, bodies en masse, isolated bodies, rural bodies, queer disabled cyborg mentally ill bodies - bodies that will continue to be discarded through the labor needed by empires who steal, degrade and forever modify land, bodies that will be discarded when every tree has been replaced by high rises, bodies that will be discarded when the earth has nothing left to give and still, as self proclaimed revolutionary ppl we have not figured out how to give each other what it is the other needs.
I am thinking about what climate justice means for southerners, disabled southerners, poor poc and poor white southerners.
where will these bodies - our bodies - be when we march for climate justice?
just spent like 2 hours trying to help my mom activate a new cellphone because hers broke, a lot of text messages, facebook messages and 1 facetime w/ my sister later it’s finally done. the phone got activated and she called me and giggled a lot because it finally worked. we’re so good at making it in this world together.
i would just like to make it clear that my beef with the question “where are you really from?” is not that i desire to be american, want white people to consider me american or want to identify as a us-born person and treated as such.
my beef with the question “where are you really from?” is more about how that question supports the alienation of ppls considered to be foreign which justifies violence against them in the form of denying access to public health resources, jobs, etc, etc amidst a global picture of imperialism, colonialism and war. and the question “where are you really from?” has set up those of us who are immigrant, alien, foreign to believe that the way we can succeed is by vining to be considered american at the cost of Black and indigenous people’s erasure and deaths who are either considered inhuman or disappeared, or both.
gole-yakh ! i’ve traveled as far west as claremont, ca and as far north as princeton, nj. places within a 7-12 hour radius of virginia/north carolina i prefer to drive and all other places i would need cost of plane ticket covered (most, if not all).
if your campus/student organization has the money, bring me to campus and i can do a training, give a keynote/presentation, hang out with people, be overall very sweet and nice and then i’ll be able to pay the bills! ^_^
the past year has been an interesting journey with tumblr and social media. after a relationship ended and i moved back to the south, i found that a lot of my “friendships” and “relationships” with people were fragile enough that some folks were not interested in me because i was no longer in a certain place or certain relationship. i have felt judgment and the silence that resulted from it as well as folks taking sides. that’s hurt a lot and has also made it a little difficult for me to be present on tumblr and center my writing and other things that help me cope with the world.
i know that i’ve also been bad at keeping in touch with folks and being a friend.
i am considering making a side blog to this one in hopes of centering my writing again and re/building the relationships that i need with other qtpoc.
please let me know and reach out to me (you can respond to this post or send me a message) if you would be interested in being connected through a side blog that i hope will again be vulnerable and intimate and present as this blog was before. i might reach out to some of y’all, too!!
hey y’all! i’ve made my side blog. beep me if you would like the URL. i’ve followed those of y’all that have responded to this post already <3